maybe it hurts for a reason.

Maybe it hurts for a reason.I stood there,fascinated again how your eyes turn from light green to dark green based on your feelings,and couldn’t help thinking how bad i blew it. How my idiotic nature,intersected with something that could be such a good thing,decided to destroy again the chance.Because I don’t deserve it...

I tried to express what I feel.But the words danced around the subject,and couldn’t surprise the essential.I couldn’t force myself to say it.And once again the sadness that floats in your eyes made my stomach shrink.i wanted to take that sadness away,put it in a bubble, and leave it there forever.if I could…

U stood up and I needed to hug you ,to feel the touch of your tanned skin,the fresh smell of your hair,the promise of happiness.But I’ve seen it in your body language and in your look that this wouldn’t be good.You just wanted me to stay away and to disappear.And right then , I wanted that too.

After that u walked into the bus,and as the bus’s doors closed I got a last glance at your floral apparence and felt like another sad story started for me.because my stories always start with the end.

[track sunrise avenue - fairtytale gone bad ]

and because i can't.

i can't get everything done my way. i can't act anyway and suppose to get my results. i can't get away with it. and i'm happy for that. let's just hope that because of it i'll get someplace where i can really appreciate what i have. keep what it's good for me. and stop making stupid things and stop taking stupid decisions.

this way.maybe i'll stop kicking myself all the time.

cause it hurts...

[ track marilyn manson - heart shapped glass ]

because i can.

pretty weird day today. just finished the exams and everything has a sense of happy-freedom-ish. but it's a false feeling i still have like ALOT of exams [ cunoscute ca restantze in unele cercuri...]. but hey, i guess i have to take what i can, from where i can. so today i'm freeeee.

on other note, federer lost the final..again!! against nadal doooh. well, nice game anyway. so good go nadal, your reign will be over one day soon[ or late..] :) ah, that's the downside of being king, u're always afraid u'll lose your crown...

so i'm back in a game but keeping it low for a while. hope july'll be my month but never know...

zipping and zapping.

crepuscular

inca o noapte si inca o zi. inca o zi ramasa pana la final.ce bine ca se termina. e trist ca se termina. dar cel mai trist e ca de fapt nu se termina niciodata...

inca o noapte si inca o zi. inca o shaorma efeminizata si o plimbare pe strazi .ce bine e sa nu ai probleme. ce rau e ca ai. si ce foarte rau ca o sa ai tot timpul..

ultima noapte.si intaia zi. din noua ta viata. de maine,de maine, iti spui....de maine sa fie...

[ track - Black Moon - looking down the barrel ]

eazy game.

so this days are about learning mostly. nothing out of ordinary i guess. as this should be the program for the next ...3 weeks or so. i don;t mind. it's cool. read.remember.apply. as eazy as federer crushing nadal in the final.

problem is. u gotta get in the state. u gotta force yourself into reading/learning. because there's a psy barrier. u break that and u are in a new , unlimited teritory..or u don't breka that and u just might be in the losers - land. so choices again..

of course it's only school and many many many [ stress that ! ] are passing the exams with no special effort. but...i am not "the other ppl" so it's my fight to battle that's what makes it important right? if u get that. fine. if u don't. fine again.

u might say. i'm selfish. but i deny that. if i have to be something like that for you. than so be it. but name it properly.

i'm self-centered. :)

[track robbie williams- feel ]

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen there...

there's a bee in my room. that's how sweet i am! :D

no particular someone...

essence of time. what's that?

what exactly do u want from me? what can i promise??? nothing! that's what. we're not designed for long term baby, it's all short term . that's the definition of human. s-h-o-r-t t-e-r-m. oh yeah, sometimes one of us raise from ashes and mediocrity and build smth that will last for what we'd reffer as long term...and we all look at it with confused feelings of humiliation,jelousy, pride...yeah. but tell u what. not even that. not EVEN what the greatest of our man can do last that long...it's just alot for us...

so what can i say?

it's all for nothing...but let's pray for something. and when everything else fails. no problem...

we can always live for today. as there is no tomorow. and that way...we'll have an eternity catched in one moment.

so dance with me baby.today.tonite.and forever.

the other view

sometimes it's good to watch the world thru other people's eye. what are they hidding? don't you wonder, how would be too see if everything's different? maybe the way light reflect from others eyes makes it all different,maybe the chemicals in their body transforms every touch,every feeling into smth else,new..and maybe wonderful.

i've always wanted that. but the closest i can get is too listen to other ppl. just feel their words when describing anything,look at their irises how they contracte or dilate as their story unfolds and maybe u'll get a new vibe that might turn your own view into something that seemed,just seconds ago, unbelivable...

so next time, pay a little more attention, be a little more opened and try to really understand the other person,if not for the poor joy of that...then for yourself.

u migt just be amazed...