Thursday, July 3, 2008

yes,u are.


I'll see you in the morning, she said.
It was sweet and it was something i'd been longing to hear sincer forever.But it wasn't true.The moment i'll close the door, the moment i'll be out in the cold all that was left on the other side of the door would be just a memory,just a dream i'll wonder if i really dreamed or just read about it in a swapy newspaper. I knew it right now, just as i looked at her.It felt unreal, like it wasn't me the one looking, the one smiling,like it was someone else's story. And it broke my heart. I didn't wanted to leave but i had to, i always have to and i already know the future:she'll be amazed.than worried. than mad. and in the end she'll hate me.Oone day she'll say to herself that she accepted what had happend,she'll whisper to someone else "sweet dreams baby" she'll wear someone's else shirt but deep down,she'll still hate me. And i cand't even blame her. I hate myself anyway. I hate myself as i walk out of the door,start the engine and head south. I hate myself as i kick the best thing that ever happend to me out of my life because, plain and simple, i am scared.But i say i'm noble,i say i'm doing a good thing for her,that's what i say at least.What i think...well. i think i'm a fucking coward really! Why does she wants me here it's a mystery to me but i'll not be around long enough to find out.I'll walk away just like my father did when i was three. Yeah old man, u'd be proud of me. Scumbag!

Such an irony how i sweared so many times i'll never be like him and here i am.Horey!

So i turn around and head to the door, and my stomach hurts and it hurts even more when i cath a last glance of her curling under the red blanket in her t-shirt and "sleep pants" how she calls them. I realise i'll never be able to smell that special parfume she wears anymore because would just chocke me. just like im chocking now when a breez of it gets to me. I smile again. I say:

"i'll see you in the morning baby! "

Then i open the dorr. Outside is cold and the wind blows by my car.

2 comments:

scandurica said...

"i'll see u in the morning"....hmm..sounds familiar:P

rayne said...

:)

scandurica sounds familiar too.

thank you.